I miss my mom

October ... a time for Fall, the smell of pumpkins, a cool breeze in my hair, the ending of my outdoor running season, the heart of back-to-school fun, Halloween costumes, too much candy and ... my mom's birthday (10/30). This will be the second year without my mom hear for her birthday. She's spending it with Jesus again. I don't know that she gets cake in Heaven or candles to blow out. I'm not even sure if the angels will grace her with song, though I'd imagine she has all she'd ever dream of in terms of celebration.

I've begged and pleaded and praised and bargained to try and get my mom back. I believe it's slowly starting to settle in that I'm not going to get to share anymore days with her here on Earth though. I cry, I get angry, then I cry again and ... it really goes on and on. I have an ornate amount of faith in God. I mean, I'm not an overly religious type, but I would most emphatically and confidently state that I do believe. And, with that, I want to believe that my messages can make it to Heaven. That mom knows how much I love her. That God knows I need her guidance from time to time and allows her to remain with me in more than just heart and memory, but also in spirit.

So, as I get ready for her 2nd birthday in Heaven, I found this poem appropriately fitting:

If Roses Grow In Heaven

If Roses grow in Heaven, Lord,
please pick a bunch for me, 
Place them in my Mother's arms
and tell her they're from me.

Tell her, I love her and I miss her,
and when she turns to smile, 
place a kiss upon her cheek 
and hold her for awhile.

Remembering her is easy, 
I do it every day, 
but there's an ache within my heart
that will never go away.